I’m about to jump in the shower and have my time with God before falling sleep after two very long days caring for my kids (one of whom had been sick.)
Just as I’m about to turn the shower on… I hear my 8 month old let out a whail over the monitor connecting his room to mine.
As I take yet another quick shower and ready myself to go put him back to sleep, my husband asks me, “Did you ever think you’d be famous?” I chuckled and replied, “I always wanted to be famous, but this isn’t what I had in mind.”
A woman hardly feels so very loved as when her child wraps their arms around her and says, “I love you, mom.” Yet with that unconditional, tender love of a child also comes the constant 24/7 demanding needs a child has while they are slowly learning to do things for themselves. They are born knowing how to do some things, but most things we have to teach them. And we have four, so we do a lot of teaching.
In the past, the lines have gotten blurred between the love my children have for me and the simple but desperate need they have for me to take care of them. Instead of feeling loved, I’ve felt demanded of. Needed ALL THE TIME, literally run over at times by my children.
Staci Eldridge says that all women have a desire within them to fill an irreplaceable role. As I was musing on this some time ago, I realized that I do indeed have an irreplaceable role. Only I wasn’t seeing it that way. Instead of being thankful for the incredible privilege and responsibility I’ve been given to raise LOVERS of JESUS, I had been weighed down by the pressure of the “fame” (as my husband put it.) I had been burdened by the constant demands made of me that I felt so used for what I could do for my family instead of appreciated by them.
Then my perspective changed. I began to see myself as irreplaceable.
I am loved. I’m loved dearly by the Heavenly Father, my brother Jesus, and the Holy Spirit who lives inside me, filling me with strength. I am appreciated by my husband and my kids. They tell me so, too. When my 8 month old wakes up and cries for me, he’s not trying to make me feel used. He just loves me!
When I look at the big picture of my life (even though the future is blurry), I know my kids won’t be young forever. They will grow up and need me less and less. This is the goal, after all, to raise responsible adults who know and love God.
So, I’m going to embrace this season of being needed so much. Instead of seeing it as a burden, I see it as my privilege. Instead of dreading each morning, I awaken the dawn with my song (Psalm 108:2). Instead of feeling demanded of, I know I’m irreplaceable.